Adventist Walk of Shame: Leaving Potluck With Untouched Dish

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — According to the Andrews University Dietetics Department, the greatest source of shame in the Adventist experience is the prospect of leaving a potluck with a dish you Read more […]

Pews Reinforced To Account For Coronavirus Overeating

ADVENTIST WORLD — Pews across Adventism are being retrofitted with supports to be able to handle substantially heavier members that have spent the coronavirus crisis overeating. Use with caution. Denominational Read more […]

Ben Carson Begs Adventists To Stop Panic Buying Stripples

Cool it. WASHINGTON, D.C. — Former neurosurgeon Dr. Ben Carson has a special message for Adventists during the coronavirus crisis. The Adventist member of President Trump’s cabinet asked his Read more […]

Revealed: Daniel And Three Friends Rejected Nebuchadnezzar’s Food To Feast On Haystacks

ANCIENT BABYLON — Earlier today, the Biblical Research Institute unveiled findings regarding the special diet of Daniel and his three friends after they asked to be excused from eating Nebuchadnezzar’s Read more […]

NEWSTART Enthusiast To Start New Life (After Holidays)

ADVENTIST WORLD — Rez Allusion, a middle-aged Pathfinder club director who packed on a few too many over Thanksgiving, has vowed to start faithfully abiding by NEWSTART health principles as Read more […]