Saturday, January 18, 2025

Adventist Food

Man Who Accidentally Ate Meat on Friday Night Claims He Can Feel His Name Being Erased from Book of Life

In a dramatic turn of events at the Collegedale Corners Adventist Church, local member Brad Thompson claims he can physically feel his name being removed from the Book of...

Local Adventist Finally Admits Cookie Binge Was His Own Fault, Not Satan’s

In a groundbreaking moment of personal accountability, local church member Brad Thompson has publicly acknowledged that his recent demolition of an entire batch of...

Local Elder Mistakes Sermon Notes for Shopping List, Preaches About Almond Milk

In a mix-up at Nutsberry Seventh-day Adventist Church last Sabbath, Elder John Smith accidentally grabbed his wife's shopping list instead of his sermon notes....

Annual Council to Vote on Whether Ghanaian or Nigerian Adventists Make the Best Jollof Rice

SILVER SPRING, Md. - In what is shaping up to be the most contentious issue at this year's Annual Council meetings, delegates from around...

Adventist Who Claims “Calories Don’t Count on Sabbath” Not Exactly Counting Them Any Other Day Either

Riverside, Calif. - Local church member Brian Lendell is facing scrutiny after making his signature "calories don't count on Sabbath" claim once again at...

Plane Full of Teetotaling Adventists Assumed to be Alcoholics

A plane full of teetotaling Seventh-day Adventists returning from an extreme church building mission trip in the Dominican Republic was assumed to be carrying...

Adventist 30 lbs heavier since Thanksgiving decision to let go and let God

Chattanooga, Tenn. --- Since a somber decision to "let go and let God" while going for yet another serving of Tofurky at this year's...

Things Adventists Love Beyond Reason

We Adventists have a near-inexplicable infatuation with a number of things. Here are some of them: Ellen White paraphernalia like furniture she used Even the most...

How to be Adventist in 2024

Breaking Out of the Bubble in 2024: We Adventists love our bubbles, but it's time to branch out and engage with the wider world....

Ways To Ruin a Tofu Potluck Dish

Tofu dishes can work out great for potluck, but let's face it – given a tight pre-Sabbath Friday afternoon even the best of us...

Ways to Score a Sabbath Lunch Invite

Are you tired of feeling like the only Adventist without a Sabbath lunch invitation? These awkward-yet-effective  tactics are guaranteed to get you invited to...