Adventist Who Claims “Calories Don’t Count on Sabbath” Not Exactly Counting Them Any Other Day Either

Riverside, Calif. – Local church member Brian Lendell is facing scrutiny after making his signature “calories don’t count on Sabbath” claim once again at last week’s potluck. According to multiple Read more […]

Member Who Brought Actual Chicken to Church Potluck Suddenly VIP

At Eden Springs Adventist Church’s potluck, local church pianist Kay F Cee’s decision to break the vegetarian tradition by bringing actual chicken won her a lot of friends this Sabbath. As Read more […]

End Times Sermon Interrupted by Member Asking if Potluck is Still On

Pastor Bartholomew Thompson’s sermon on the impending apocalypse took a dramatic nosedive this Sabbath, thanks to an unexpected inquiry from the congregation. As Thompson weaved a tapestry of biblical Read more […]

Greek-speaking Widow Leaves 1-Star Review For Early Church Potluck

Jerusalem – Sister Demetria, a Greek-speaking widow, has sent shockwaves through the early Christian community by leaving a scathing one-star review of a recent church potluck. In the review Read more […]

Potluck Miraculously Solves Adventist Differences

SLURP, Mich. — In a groundbreaking study conducted by the Institute of Adventist Quirks and Quibbles (IAQQ), researchers have found that the vast majority of theological and lifestyle disagreements Read more […]

British Union Conference Plans to Expose Churches With Worst Potlucks

WATFORD, England —The British Union Conference of the Seventh-day Adventists has set its sights on a matter of utmost importance: lackluster potlucks. In an unprecedented move, the Union has Read more […]