Adventist Veggie Meat Alternatives Now 100% Indistinguishable From Cardboard

LOMA LINDA, Calif. – NEWSTART Foods announced today that after years of research and development, their line of vegetarian meat substitutes has achieved complete parity with cardboard in terms Read more […]

Member Who Brought Actual Chicken to Church Potluck Suddenly VIP

At Eden Springs Adventist Church’s potluck, local church pianist Kay F Cee’s decision to break the vegetarian tradition by bringing actual chicken won her a lot of friends this Sabbath. As Read more […]

Loma Linda University releases tick that makes you vegetarian

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — A team of Adventist ultravegetarians, some random hikers and several senior Loma Linda University biologists have successfully engineered a tick that makes those it bites vegetarian. “We Read more […]

US News and World Report Declares Southern Best College to Find Vegetarian Spouse

Collegedale, Tenn. — For the first time ever, US News and World Report has ranked schools in view of their ability to provide students with “a high chance of finding a vegetarian to marry.” US Read more […]

Turkeys Urge Americans Not To Travel For Thanksgiving

  UNITED STATES —— Turkeys across the United States have warned Americans of the extreme dangers of traveling for Thanksgiving this year. “Don’t risk your health or that of your family Read more […]

Stuck Inside All Day? Watch Union College Students Try Veggie Meat Uncooked Straight Out Of The Can

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EZghRrxbPsE&feature=youtu.be#dialog Thanks to the Union College Communication Program for letting us share this stomach-churning video! [NO QUICK REMINDER] SPONSORED Read more […]

Ben Carson Begs Adventists To Stop Panic Buying Stripples

Cool it. WASHINGTON, D.C. — Former neurosurgeon Dr. Ben Carson has a special message for Adventists during the coronavirus crisis. The Adventist member of President Trump’s cabinet asked his Read more […]

Adventist Scientists Forced To Disclose Religious Affiliation Before Recommending Stripples

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — The American Dietary Association claims that Adventist scientists are allowing their religious bias to color their nutritional recommendations. The ADA is particularly Read more […]

Sam’s Chicken Earns Andrews Cafeteria A Michelin Star

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — In an absolute first for an Adventist institution, the Andrews University cafeteria has been awarded a Michelin star in recognition of its “longstanding dedication to Read more […]

Trump Calls On America To “Give Big Franks A Try On The 4th Of July”

  WASHINGTON DC – US President Donald Trump used his much anticipated 4th of July address to call for unity and reform in how America eats on Independence Day. Speaking above the roar Read more […]