Saturday, October 25, 2025
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Children

The 7 Types of Children’s Story That Should Honestly Be a Felony By Now

Children’s story: that magical weekly moment when we gather tiny humans around the pulpit and let a well-meaning adult gamble with the entire service running time. It’s cute, it’s...
Uncategorized

10 Things Adventists Are Actually Allowed To Brag About

1. We Make It To 100 Like It’s A Group Assignment Blue Zones keep bragging on us. We basically turned beans into a performance-enhancing drug. 2. Healthcare Is Kind Of Our...
Prophecy

The Crisis of Adventist Imagination

The real crisis isn’t in the world. It’s in our imagination. If every sermon, headline, and prophecy paints future darkness, we forget that “Let there be light” was the first word of creation. God...
Evangelism

Why Importing Adventism Doesn’t Work

Somewhere right now, a missionary is landing in a new country with a PowerPoint titled “Daniel & the End Times (With Graphics!).” And somewhere...
Evangelism

The Real Reason Adventism Doesn’t Grow in the West (and It’s Not Because We Don’t “Preach the Truth” Enough)

The Real Reason Adventism Doesn’t Grow in the West (and It’s Not Because We Don’t “Preach the Truth” Enough) Every time someone asks why Adventism...
Health Message

Pete Hegseth Crashes Annual Council: “No More Fat Church Leaders Preaching the Health Message”

SILVER SPRING, Md. — In a surprise appearance that left GC delegates choking on their haystacks, newly minted Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth stormed...
Academic Freedom

Why the Adventist Church Is Losing Its Best Minds—and How We Can Win Them Back

The Adventist Church isn’t losing its best minds because people don’t love Jesus. We’re losing them because the moment someone starts thinking deeply, we make...

Adventist Culture

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When God Doesn’t Fit in Your 28 Beliefs

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You know that moment when you realize the universe...

Your Local Church AV Guy Wins Nobel Peace Prize… for Finally Figuring Out What Was Causing the Feedback

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In a historic first, the quiet genius behind the...

How Ready Are You for the Time of Trouble? (Take This Quiz to Find Out!)

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So you’ve heard about the Time of Trouble your...

Dear Adventist Clock Watchers: We See You

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We see you. Every Sabbath. You think you’re being...

Adventist Food

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BREAKING: GC President Köhler Joins the Heritage Singers, Says “I’ve Had Enough”

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SILVER SPRING, Md. — In a surprise career pivot,...

What Kind of Adventist Are You?

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Every Adventist church has these folks. The question is:...

SATIRE: FCC Yanks Amazing Facts Off the Air for “Offensive Predictions”

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SACRAMENTO, CA — The FCC announced today that Amazing...

Biblical Research Institute Declares Kimmel’s ‘Indefinite Preemption’ a Heavenly Mandate to Suspend All Late Night TV

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SILVER SPRING, MD – The General Conference’s Biblical Research...

Sabbath Observance

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When Perfectionism Becomes Our Biggest Sin

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Adventists have always been world-class overachievers. We don’t just...

7 Unspoken Rules Every Adventist Knows (But No One Ever Wrote Down)

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7 Unspoken Rules Every Adventist Knows (But No One...

Why Adventism Is Addicted to Fear — and How We Can Finally Detox

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Fear built the Adventist brand. Love will have to rebuild...

Sabbath Was Never Supposed to Be This Boring

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The Sabbath wasn’t designed to drain life out of...

BarelyAdventist is a satire and humor blog focused on Adventist culture and issues. Written by committed Adventists, the goal is to foster growth within the faith community through lighthearted conversation and humor, avoiding soapboxing or angry rants. The blog is not officially endorsed by the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists.

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