Big Pharma Races To Release Anti-Anxiety Benefits Of Sabbath In Pill Form

WORLD — Pharmaceutical giants are sprinting to be the first to produce a Sabbath pill. Research labs are working around the clock to create medication allowing those that take it a feeling Read more […]

Adventists Resolve To Make It To Church On Time At Some Point In 2020

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Friends and relatives of the Hopplös family have been roped into holding them accountable to their New Year’s resolution of making it to time on church once in 2020. Read more […]

‘The Lion King’ approved as Sabbath movie “because it has animals”

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Disney’s The Lion King has been approved by the Adventist Church as an approved “Sabbath movie.” This means that Adventists will be free to watch the animated classic Read more […]

Adventist prays for sun to stand still so she can finish her Friday chores

LONDON, England — An Adventist woman paused in prayer this afternoon, pleading for the sun to stand still so she could finish her long list of chores before sunset. Franically listing the Read more […]

Adventist BNB features best apartments in world for Sabbath naps

ADVENTIST WORLD — Recently launched Adventist BNB (Airbnb for Adventists) was honored by the General Conference Lay Ministries Department for featuring the best apartments in the world for Sabbath Read more […]

Black Sabbath members visit Adventist Church, change name to Happy Sabbath

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — A chance visit to an Adventist church in Loma Linda last Sabbath has reportedly led members of world-renowned heavy metal band Black Sabbath to change their name to Happy Read more […]

Adventist Churches to issue mandatory breath mints on Sabbath mornings

SILVER SPRING, Md. — In an effort to improve the Sabbath experience for members and visitors, Seventh-day Adventist church leaders have voted to mandate the distribution of breath mints on Sabbath Read more […]

Adventists worldwide planning to get to church right after announcements

Adventists interviewed this week have confirmed their intentions to get to church right after announcements on Sabbath morning. Claiming they could read all the announcements in the bulletin Read more […]