“Will Ted Wilson be GC President until the Second Coming?” and Other Kosher Sabbath Lunch Conversation Topics

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Been invited to Sabbath lunch but don’t know what’s kosher to talk about? Here’s a carefully vetted list of Sabbath-appropriate conversation topics:

• The merits of door-to-door evangelism: Discuss the best techniques for dodging angry dogs, nosy neighbors, and solicitation laws while sharing the good news.
• The exciting Adventist TV programming lineup: Debate the merits of binge-watching “3ABN Cooking” vs. “It Is Written,” and whether or not “Loma Linda University Church Live” should be considered a guilty pleasure.
• Planning the non-financial aspects of your next mission trip: Share your tips for packing light, navigating unfamiliar bathrooms, and resisting the temptation to post too many Instagram photos of your “missionary life.”
• Last Generation Theology: Debate whether or not you can still be part of the last generation if you refuse to give up your favorite meat dishes or secretly watch “The Bachelor.”
• Will Ted Wilson be GC President until the Second Coming?
• Bird watching tips: Share your favorite bird puns, such as “What do you call a chicken that crosses the road without looking both ways? Dead.”
• The best ways to avoid awkward conversation with strangers during fellowship time: Do you really have to make small talk with that person who always wants to tell you about their colonoscopy?
• How to politely decline when someone tries to give you a health lecture during potluck: “I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of me eating this fried rice.”
• The eternal question: Is it okay to fall asleep during the sermon if you pretend you’re just closing your eyes to pray?
• The great haystack vs. veggie lasagna debate: Which is the superior church potluck dish, and why is it whichever one you’re currently eating?
• Discussing the most awkward moment you’ve ever had during a Sabbath School class: From accidentally making a fart noise with your chair to accidentally giving the wrong answer, we’ve all been there.
• The art of avoiding church politics: From dodging requests to serve on the nominating committee to pretending you don’t know anything about the ongoing church building fund dispute, how do you stay neutral?
• The best ways to kill time during church business meetings: Counting ceiling tiles, playing “I Spy,” and making bingo cards for common phrases like “Scripture is crystal clear that [insert highly personal opinion-]” and “we need to pray about it.”
• The ultimate church potluck prank: Filling a deviled egg with wasabi and watching as someone unsuspectingly takes a big bite.
• End time predictions: because who doesn’t love a good conspiracy theory?
• The joys of being a church greeter: From high-fiving kids to trying not to cringe when someone tries to hug you too tightly, there’s never a dull moment.
• The eternal question (part 2): Why does everyone always assume you’re the potluck coordinator just because you brought a dish?

Good luck with your Sabbath lunch!

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