Altar Call Length Doubled To Make Up For Time Lost During COVID

SILVER SPRING, Md. – The General Conference Office of Quality Assurance has announced that, as churches start to open up for in-person services, altar call will need to be twice as long. “COVID Read more […]

Desperate Housewives Of Loma Linda To Debut On Hope Channel

LOMA LINDA, Calif. – In the first Adventist attempt at a reality show, Hope Channel started filming The Desperate Housewives of Loma Linda earlier this week. The all-Adventist cast of the Read more […]

GC: Sarah Thomas Commissioned, Not Ordained To Officiate Super Bowl

SILVER SPRING, Md. – This morning the General Conference addressed the status of Sarah Thomas, the first female to officiate the Super Bowl. “While we acknowledge that Thomas made history Read more […]

Southern Adventist University Fining Students For Coffee Breath

Collegedale, Tenn. – Always on the forefront of Adventist student regulation, Southern Adventist University announced today it has started fining students for coffee breath. Any student accused Read more […]

Church Leadership Vows Not To Give Up Positions As Easily As Trump Let Go Of His

SILVER SPRING, Md. – General Conference leaders along with their regional counterparts around the world have released a joint statement expressing disappointment at how little of a fight they Read more […]

Boris Johnson Commits To Taking Christian Grooming And Manners Pathfinder Honor

LONDON, UK – In response to political pressure to sort out his hair, British Prime Minister Boris Johnson has committed to taking radical action in 2021. Standing at a podium, with hair completely Read more […]