Ted Wilson Rejects Twitter for Re-Election Launch After DeSantis Debacle

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Ted Wilson’s re-election campaign for the General Conference presidency confirmed today that be will not be launching his bid on Twitter. “Governor DeSantis had more Read more […]

Doug Batchelor and Governor DeSantis Unveil ‘Cave World’: A Non-Magical/Rainbowy Theme Park to Rival Disney

Orlando, FL – Adventist evangelist Doug Batchelor and Florida Governor Ron DeSantis have united to create ‘Cave World,’ an unconventional theme park that challenges the enchantment of Disney without Read more […]

Holy Connections: The Matchmaking Service for Seminarians

Calling all single seminarians with ministerial dreams and an impending job market!  The Adventist Church is introducing “Holy Connections,” the revolutionary matchmaking service designed exclusively Read more […]

Noah’s Ark Construction To Take Extra 100 Years After GC Compliance Committee Visit

ANCIENT MESOPOTAMIA – Earlier today — just as Noah and his family members were about to put what they assumed were the final touches on the construction of the ark — they were visited by a Read more […]

How to Argue Adventist-Style and Win (or at Least Come Out with Your Dignity Intact)

Whether we’re discussing new church carpet colors or the intricacies of the Investigative Judgment, we Adventists can disagree with each other pretty strongly from time to time. So, if you’re Read more […]