Theologian Releases Bible Version That Fully Agrees With Him

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Doug Digger breathed a sigh of satisfaction from his ivory tower balcony today as he released what he called a “wrinkle-free” version of the Bible. In the run-up to the release, Read more […]

US News and World Report Declares Southern Best College to Find Vegetarian Spouse

Collegedale, Tenn. — For the first time ever, US News and World Report has ranked schools in view of their ability to provide students with “a high chance of finding a vegetarian to marry.” US Read more […]

UK Chancellor Says ADRA Ingathering Targets Must Rise

LONDON, United Kingdom – Britain’s Chancellor, Jeremy Hunt, warned today that virtually unprecedented inflation meant ADRA ingathering targets this year would need to be increased substantially. “Walking Read more […]

Does Volunteering Count If You Haven’t Posted About It On Social Media?

We gotta know: Is volunteering worth the time unless you can let the whole world know what you are doing with an action shot of you saving the manatees/serving soup/tutoring with a #simplyservice?  Without Read more […]

Republican Adventists Declare Second Great Disappointment

RED AMERICA – After a longed for mid-term red wave failed to materialize, Republican Adventists have likened the letdown to a “Second Great Disappointment.” “This red ripple is not at all the Read more […]

Eligible Adventist Males Declared Endangered Species

FONTAINEBLEU, France — The International Union for Conservation of Nature has made its first human addition to the list of endangered species: eligible Adventist males. The IUCN said that numbers Read more […]

GC Transformed Into Nursing Home As Average Employee Age Surpasses 75

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference building is undergoing major refurbishment after HR finally stated the obvious: employees are so old the place should just be a nursing home. As Read more […]