Pastor Considering Eliminating Sermon Altogether Since Worship Leader Just Repeats Everything Anyway

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Pastor Jed Dumas of Berbose Community Adventist Church is seriously considering eliminating his weekly sermon altogether, citing the fact that his worship leader, Wes Crosby, Read more […]

Adventist Runner Disqualified from Marathon for Refusing to Pin on Number, Citing Leviticus

BOSTON, Mass. — An Adventist runner was disqualified from the Boston Marathon this year after refusing to pin his race bib to his shirt, citing the book of Leviticus. Silas Goodwin, a 42-year-old Read more […]

Adventist Baby’s First Words: “Happy Sabbath!”

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — In a stunning display of spiritual precocity, 6-month-old Jedediah Remnant stunned his parents and pediatrician by uttering the words “Happy Sabbath!” as his very first words. The Read more […]

Conspiracy Theorist Claims Illuminati Created Oreos to Undermine Adventist Health Message

Sawtooth, Tenn. – Conspiracy theorist and self-proclaimed health message expert Soy Lent claims to have uncovered a secret plot by the Illuminati to undermine the Adventist health message through Read more […]

Adventist Vacationers Spend Entire Trip Trying to Convert Hotel Staff

Myrtle Beach, S.C. – Local Adventist couple Bob and Mildred Harrington recently returned from what they called a “mission trip” to a beachfront resort hotel. However, hotel staff report that the Read more […]

Local Adventist Claims Vegetarian Diet Produces ‘Holier Emissions’

Local Adventist health enthusiast, Gus Beanz, has declared that his vegetarian diet produces what he calls “holier emissions.” “It’s simple really,” Beanz explained, barely containing his excitement. Read more […]

Loma Linda Researchers Discover Carob is Still Disgusting

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Researchers at Loma Linda University have officially confirmed that carob remains about as appetizing as chewing on cardboard, despite its much-touted health benefits. Carob, Read more […]

Adventist Dog Prays Before Meals, Refuses to Fetch on Sabbath

SILVER SPRING, Md. — An Adventist family’s dog named Samson has developed some unique habits. The Johnson family of Silver Spring first noticed something was up when Samson began to sit quietly Read more […]

GC Nominating Committee Suggesting More Candidates for US Presidency

The General Conference Nominating Committee announced today that they are putting forth additional Adventist candidates for the 2024 US presidential race. “After the runaway success of Dr. Read more […]