Lawmakers Demand to Know Kavanaugh’s Stance on Carob

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Lawmakers spent the bulk of today’s confirmation hearings grilling Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh regarding his views on carob. The politicians took turns asking Read more […]

TSA bans “toxic” carob from passenger carry-ons

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Transportation Security Administration (TSA) has added carob products to it’s ever-expanding list of items banned from flight passenger carry-ons. Calling carob “demonstrably Read more […]

Adventists declare war on Halloween, give carob to trick-or-treaters

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Adventists are preparing to launch their most effective anti-Halloween weapon to date: carob. Although church leaders have tried a number of approaches in the war on Read more […]

Crafty Adventist mom serves up great disappointment

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — Sabbath School crafts enthusiast and Adventist mother of three, Ricci Sima rushed out of her house earlier today claiming she had to run errands. As a snack for her Read more […]

Adventist children report great disappointment over carob Easter eggs

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — Adventist parents everywhere are desperately trying to console their children amid cries of rage and great disappointment. At the counsel of the General Conference Children’s Read more […]