Over-caffeinated Andrews seminarian thinks God crashed his car

ST. JOSEPH, Mich. — What was supposed to be a morning flaunt with a certain sinful caffeinated beverage turned into a lesson from God yesterday morning. Felipe Sucre was already running late Read more […]

Adventist Church exempts sleepy Ben Carson from caffeine ban

SILVER SPRING, Md. — In an absolute first for the Adventist Church, world leaders have come to a majority decision to allow a caffeine ban exemption for the denomination’s most fatigued member: Read more […]

General Conference pays for Alamodome Starbucks employees’ vacation

SAN ANTONIO, Texas — Employees of the Alamodome Starbucks stores are ecstatic over an agreement made with the Seventh-day Adventist Church. During the General Conference World Session, the Alamodome Read more […]