Adventist Couple Celebrates Freedom from Caffeine on Independence Day

LOMA LINDA, Calif. – While most Americans celebrated their nation’s independence on July 4th, the Johnsons of Loma Linda took the opportunity to commemorate a different kind of freedom – their liberation Read more […]

Adventist Man Accidentally Drinks Caffeinated Tea, Immediately Grows Tail

John Smith found himself in a hairy situation after accidentally sipping on a cup of caffeinated tea at a community event. The drama unfolded at a neighborhood gathering at Snoozeville SDA, where Read more […]

GC: Adventist Coffee Tables Must Be Renamed Hot Chocolate Tables

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference has declared a radical rebranding of every Adventist coffee table across the globe. Say goodbye to those nefarious furniture pieces, because, starting Read more […]

Adventist Camp Meeting Reports “Tremendous Revival” After Accidentally Serving Real Coffee

SLEEPY HOLLOW, Colo. — A Rocky Mountain Conference camp meeting reported a “tremendous revival” today with crowds of Adventist talking, singing and preaching excitedly at an energy level never Read more […]