Adventists launch caffeine-free COFEFE

Totally buzz-free
Totally buzz-free

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The Adventist Church has launched COFEFE, a new “presidentially-inspired, caffeine-free drink that trumps all other coffee substitutes on the market.”

The drink was inspired by a mysterious, late-night tweet by President Donald Trump which contained what appeared to be a glaring typo:

“Despite the constant negative press cofefe”

Adventist leaders addressing the tweet said that instead of joining the chorus of people offering explanations for what “cofefe” might mean, it was time for the denomination to “knock Roma off of its perch atop the fake coffee market.”

Adventist leaders said that they were grateful to the president for giving them the idea for the new Cofefe brand and encouraged him to keep sleep tweeting.

“We could use the president’s creativity as we think up super-long acronyms and other confusing jargon to add to the Adventist dialect,” said a statement from the church.

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