SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference building is undergoing major refurbishment after HR finally stated the obvious: employees are so old the place should just be a nursing home. As Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, MD. — This week Starbucks launched a new line of drinkware in Silver Spring, Maryland. Instead of branding mugs with the name of the city, the coffee giant decided instead to Read more […]
ST. LOUIS, Mo. — For the first time in history, a female has been elected president of the General Conference. Little Debbie won the position by a landslide vote of nominating committee Read more […]
SILVER SRING, Md. — In anticipation of a sparsely-attended General Conference Session this summer, church leadership has changed its I Will Go strategic plan slogan to something more feasible: Read more […]
HEAVEN — After enduring several traffic close calls this week due to the horrendous driving of his 25-year-old protectee, guardian angel Passencius filed for stress leave this morning. “Brad Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — In a presentation to overwhelmed General Conference leaders this morning, Japanese organization consultant, Marie Kondo, urged the group to declutter their approach to faith. “Holding Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — There’s a twist to General Conference plans to distribute a billion copies of The Great Controversy. “We could just have emailed a billion PDFs to people but we aren’t Read more […]
Due to what General Conference Session organizers termed “post-COVID space considerations” the upcoming meetings will not feature seating or yellow vote cards for supporters of women’s Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. – Later today, General Conference leaders will be voting on the hotly-debated topic of where in the HQ’s parking lot to gather at the time of the Second Coming. So far nobody Read more […]
In a bid to diversify its programming, Comedy Central has signed retiring General Conference Executive Secretary, GT Ng. Known as the funniest Adventist alive, the Singaporean will host Committee Read more […]
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