GC Commemorates Waco By Reminding Members Not To Question Its Authority

Silver Spring, MD – In commemoration of the 30th anniversary of the Waco tragedy, the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists has issued a statement urging members not to question its authority. “The Read more […]

GC Compliance Inspector Dispatched to Find Source of SCOTUS Leak

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Eager to lend a helping hand, the General Conference has dispatched a senior compliance inspector to the Supreme Court of the United States to pinpoint the source of this Read more […]

ABC stores sell out of “REPRIMANDED” T-shirts

  UNITED STATES — Adventist Book Centers across the country have announced that they have sold out of “REPRIMANDED” T-shirts that were launched earlier this week. The T-shirts went Read more […]

Newly-approved compliance document forces all Adventists to follow same recipe for potluck lasagna

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The Seventh-day Adventist Church’s General Conference Administrative Committee voted on Tuesday, July 17, a potluck veggie lasagna recipe document recommended by the Read more […]

Adventists forced to sign 14-page compliance document professing love for carob

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Adventists everywhere have been given 24 hours to sign a 14-page document professing agape love for carob. The document is full of confusing legalese promising “serious Read more […]