The dogs and their trainers have been given permission to visit Adventist prayer meetings, committee meetings and even Spring Meetings in order to sniff out any members of the Illuminati that may have infiltrated the ranks or church leadership or slipped undetected into so much as an understaffed potluck cleanup crews.
Adventists have been warned to let the dogs do their work. Anyone caught trying to bribe the animals with Scooby snacks of any kind will automatically be investigated and, at the very least, be branded a Jesuit.
Members sporting jewelry of any kind will get special attention from the sniffer dogs as will anyone that appears to be acting under the influence of a triple shot frappuccino.
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How inefficient! These dogs should be dual-trained to detect Illuminati and Jesuits, in one fell swoop (er, snoop). As for bribing the dogs, how about with Little Debbies?
Most doggies love the Little Debbies. It helps them with stress relief, digestion, confidence, obedience. It works for me. I know a thing or two about Little Debbies.