Noah’s Ark Construction To Take Extra 100 Years After GC Compliance Committee Visit

ANCIENT MESOPOTAMIA – Earlier today — just as Noah and his family members were about to put what they assumed were the final touches on the construction of the ark — they were visited by a Read more […]

GC Commemorates Waco By Reminding Members Not To Question Its Authority

Silver Spring, MD – In commemoration of the 30th anniversary of the Waco tragedy, the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists has issued a statement urging members not to question its authority. “The Read more […]

Churches to Appoint Arm-Twisting Coordinator

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference has announced that Adventist congregation will each be required to appoint one of their more muscular members to the position of arm-twisting coordinator. Read more […]

Harry and Meghan Had Enough Of Royal Compliance Committees

Wikipedia / Londisland – YouTube • CC BY 3.0 In a revealing Oprah interview, the Duchess Of Sussex and Prince Harry revealed their frustration with royal “compliance committees” that Read more […]

Dr. Fauci: GC Compliance Committee To Enforce Mask Usage

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Dr. Anthony Stephen Fauci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, has deployed what he called “vegetarian compliance ninjas” to enforce mask Read more […]

Decision To Leave Burning Adventist Building Requires Quorum

ADVENTIST WORLD — An update to GC Working Policy States addresses decisions about exiting burning Adventist structures. The update requires a quorum of the committee with highest local authority Read more […]

GC Compliance Committee Brought In To Stop Hong Kong Protests

HONG KONG – Over-stretched Hong Kong law enforcement authorities have invited a General Conference compliance committee to put a stop to pro-democracy protests that have rocked the city for weeks. Read more […]