Compliance
Noah’s Ark Construction To Take Extra 100 Years After GC Compliance Committee Visit
ANCIENT MESOPOTAMIA - Earlier today — just as Noah and his family members were about to put what they assumed were the final touches on the construction of the...
Academic Freedom
GC Commemorates Waco By Reminding Members Not To Question Its Authority
Silver Spring, MD - In commemoration of the 30th anniversary of the Waco tragedy, the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists has issued a statement...
Church Politics
Worst Adventist Committees
We Adventists are big on our committees and spend a disproportionate amount of our time on them. Here are some of the ones to...
Compliance
Department of Witch-Hunting Established at GC
SILVER SPRING, Md. — In an effort to increase compliance across the denomination, the General Conference has established the Department of Witch-Hunting whose staff...
Compliance
Churches to Appoint Arm-Twisting Coordinator
SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference has announced that Adventist congregation will each be required to appoint one of their more muscular members...
Compliance
Harry and Meghan Had Enough Of Royal Compliance Committees
In a revealing Oprah interview, the Duchess Of Sussex and Prince Harry revealed their frustration with royal “compliance committees” that had monitored every move...
Compliance
Dr. Fauci: GC Compliance Committee To Enforce Mask Usage
WASHINGTON, D.C. --- Dr. Anthony Stephen Fauci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, has deployed what he called "vegetarian compliance...
Compliance
Decision To Leave Burning Adventist Building Requires Quorum
ADVENTIST WORLD --- An update to GC Working Policy States addresses decisions about exiting burning Adventist structures.
The update requires a quorum of the committee...
Compliance
GC Keeps Nukes, Vows Not To Push Button
SILVER SPRING, Md. --- After generating worldwide Adventist concern with a heavy-handed Annual Council decision to manufacture nuclear weapons, GC officials have recently let...
Compliance
GC Compliance Committee Brought In To Stop Hong Kong Protests
HONG KONG - Over-stretched Hong Kong law enforcement authorities have invited a General Conference compliance committee to put a stop to pro-democracy protests that...
Compliance
GC Wishes Adventists a Compliant 2019
SILVER SPRING, Md. --- The General Conference released what it called a "grave greeting" this morning wishing Adventists everywhere a "Compliant 2019." The e-card...