Monday, July 14, 2025

Compliance

Noah’s Ark Construction To Take Extra 100 Years After GC Compliance Committee Visit

ANCIENT MESOPOTAMIA - Earlier today — just as Noah and his family members were about to put what they assumed were the final touches on the construction of the...

GC Commemorates Waco By Reminding Members Not To Question Its Authority

Silver Spring, MD - In commemoration of the 30th anniversary of the Waco tragedy, the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists has issued a statement...

Worst Adventist Committees

We Adventists are big on our committees and spend a disproportionate amount of our time on them. Here are some of the ones to...

Department of Witch-Hunting Established at GC

SILVER SPRING, Md. — In an effort to increase compliance across the denomination, the General Conference has established the Department of Witch-Hunting whose staff...

Churches to Appoint Arm-Twisting Coordinator

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference has announced that Adventist congregation will each be required to appoint one of their more muscular members...

Harry and Meghan Had Enough Of Royal Compliance Committees

In a revealing Oprah interview, the Duchess Of Sussex and Prince Harry revealed their frustration with royal “compliance committees” that had monitored every move...

Dr. Fauci: GC Compliance Committee To Enforce Mask Usage

WASHINGTON, D.C. --- Dr. Anthony Stephen Fauci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, has deployed what he called "vegetarian compliance...

Decision To Leave Burning Adventist Building Requires Quorum

ADVENTIST WORLD --- An update to GC Working Policy States addresses decisions about exiting burning Adventist structures. The update requires a quorum of the committee...

GC Keeps Nukes, Vows Not To Push Button

SILVER SPRING, Md. --- After generating worldwide Adventist concern with a heavy-handed Annual Council decision to manufacture nuclear weapons, GC officials have recently let...

GC Compliance Committee Brought In To Stop Hong Kong Protests

HONG KONG - Over-stretched Hong Kong law enforcement authorities have invited a General Conference compliance committee to put a stop to pro-democracy protests that...

GC Wishes Adventists a Compliant 2019

SILVER SPRING, Md. --- The General Conference released what it called a "grave greeting" this morning wishing Adventists everywhere a "Compliant 2019." The e-card...