Churches to Appoint Arm-Twisting Coordinator

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference has announced that Adventist congregation will each be required to appoint one of their more muscular members to the position of arm-twisting coordinator. The job will be to enforce the will of the nominating committee upon any reluctant church members trying to shirk their responsibilities. Arm twisters must be strong not only physically but also in their ability to “recite Scripture and the Spirit of Prophecy at opportune moments so as to help persuade members to do what they would otherwise love for someone else to worry about,” said a GC memo.

These very hands-on coordinators will serve for two-year terms unless they are prematurely hospitalized.

 


SPONSORED LINKS

You’ve had your fix of satire. Now head over to Adventist Today for current events updates, analysis and opinion on all things Adventist.

.

(Visited 156 times, 1 visits today)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *