Musk Backs Out of Twitter Deal After Discovering Church Lobbies Much Better for Spreading Gossip

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BOCA CHICA, Texas — Billionaire Elon Musk has backed out of his commitment to buy social media platform Twitter after discovering that a far better way to share gossip has existed for decades.

“Turns out all I needed to do was head over to my Adventist congregation immediately after a service to hear all the viral gossip I need at any given point,” explained Musk.

The entrepreneur added that Adventist elders’ meetings and academy reunions were also “particularly rich sources of gossip with word spreading fast enough to rival any social network.” 


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