South England Conference Delegates Ace Surprise Quiz On Machiavelli’s ‘The Prince’

In a daring departure from the traditional agenda of hymn-singing, lining up to argue at mics and dramatically sending newly-recommended leadership names back to committee, organizers of this weekend’s Read more […]

GC Commemorates Waco By Reminding Members Not To Question Its Authority

Silver Spring, MD – In commemoration of the 30th anniversary of the Waco tragedy, the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists has issued a statement urging members not to question its authority. “The Read more […]

Senate To Break For Periodic Annual Council-Style Exercise During Impeachment Trial

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the impeachment trial gets under way in the Senate, lawmakers have opted to implement a very Adventist protocol to break up longer stretches of the proceedings. Whenever Read more […]

Canadian PM Justin Trudeau Admits Ted Wilson Talked Him Into “Pioneer” Beard

PARLIAMENT HILL, Ottawa — The world no longer needs to wonder why Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has started growing a beard. The idea for the facial hair came from General Conference Read more […]

Members Reprimand Leaders For Not Earning Annual Council Warnings

ADVENTIST WORLD — As division and union leaders around the world begin to report on Annual Council to their local church members, they are facing one uncomfortable question: “Where’s your I Read more […]

Two-Thirds Majority Of Delegates Punished With Detention For Disruptive Whispering

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Detention time has been added to the growing list of punishments that can be assigned to Annual Council delegates. Unfortunately for those with early flights, two-thirds Read more […]

Delegate With No Instance Of Non-Compliance To Cast First Stone Of Annual Council Reprimand

SILVER SPRING, Md. — As Annual Council delegates ready themselves for the important duty of shaming conscientious objectors, leaders are reminded of heavenly policy stipulating that only a delegate Read more […]