Why Old School Liberals Are Irrelevant to Young Adventists

#NOTsatire Attempting to pitch old school liberal Adventist views to today’s young Adventists is a bit like trying to convince them that dial-up internet is the future of connectivity. It’s Read more […]

Guy Who Never Goes to Church Turns Up To Business Meeting

Some guy who has never actually been seen at church suddenly turned up at business meeting this afternoon with a burning desire to assert his authority over the most critical aspects of ministry Read more […]

Conference President Aggressively Marketing Problem Pastors to Foreign Mission Fields

In an epiphany at the end of a long day of meetings last year, Troubled Waters Conference President Max Trabajo decided he’d had enough of having to deal with the most difficult pastors in his Read more […]

Delegate Threatens to Repeatedly Send Rival’s Name Back To Committee Until He Himself is Elected Conference President

“I hope you guys weren’t planning on getting any other business done this session ‘cause I am sending this back to committee,” declared a crazy-eyed delegate nobody had ever heard of at Read more […]

Historian Waxes Nostalgic About The Good Old White Days Of Adventism

In an uncomfortable turn of nostalgia, an Adventist historian recently found himself yearning for the days when “what the white man said was final.” Leadership, said the historian, used to be Read more […]

Devil Proud of His Church Board Attendance Record

Underworld sources have confirmed that the Devil himself is beaming with pride over his impressive church board attendance record. According to Lucifer’s spokesperson, Beelzebob, the devil Read more […]

South England Conference Delegates Ace Surprise Quiz On Machiavelli’s ‘The Prince’

In a daring departure from the traditional agenda of hymn-singing, lining up to argue at mics and dramatically sending newly-recommended leadership names back to committee, organizers of this weekend’s Read more […]

GC Commemorates Waco By Reminding Members Not To Question Its Authority

Silver Spring, MD – In commemoration of the 30th anniversary of the Waco tragedy, the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists has issued a statement urging members not to question its authority. “The Read more […]

GC Creates Mega Unions Because Church Needs More Committees

SILVER SPRING, Md. — In a move that has Adventists everywhere scratching their heads, the General Conference has announced the creation of a new layer of bureaucracy to add to the already labyrinthine Read more […]