Beelzebub’s Bulletin

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Dear Adventists,

You guys are the best! You’ve come a long way from your annoying beginnings. All this openness to new light from my Adversary was really freaking me out when you got started out but look at you now! 

You’ve got leaders that think they are the Highest Authority on Earth 🤣🤣😈👹 and they’ve told you what to believe in 28 (lengthy) points. Not even I could have come up with that kind of genius limitation thinking. I LOVE that your leaders are doing all they can to remake Adventism in their image. Your pioneers hated the idea of a creed. Good to see your current crew is of a different mind.

The more narrow this Church becomes, the less risk there is of anyone with any real potential joining (or staying, thank Beelzebub.)

Recently Adventist leaders who had challenges with your 28 fundamentals (keep adding to this list, BTW… truth is best shared confusingly) we’re told to hand in their resignation letter. 

That’s the spirit! Rather than seek more light, the GC wants Adventist leaders to just quit. Music to my ears. Keep up the good work!

Worst,

The Devil

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