GC: Adventist Coffee Tables Must Be Renamed Hot Chocolate Tables

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference has declared a radical rebranding of every Adventist coffee table across the globe. Say goodbye to those nefarious furniture pieces, because, starting Read more […]

Southern Adventist University Fining Students For Coffee Breath

Collegedale, Tenn. – Always on the forefront of Adventist student regulation, Southern Adventist University announced today it has started fining students for coffee breath. Any student accused Read more […]

Over-caffeinated Andrews seminarian thinks God crashed his car

ST. JOSEPH, Mich. — What was supposed to be a morning flaunt with a certain sinful caffeinated beverage turned into a lesson from God yesterday morning. Felipe Sucre was already running late Read more […]

General Conference pays for Alamodome Starbucks employees’ vacation

SAN ANTONIO, Texas — Employees of the Alamodome Starbucks stores are ecstatic over an agreement made with the Seventh-day Adventist Church. During the General Conference World Session, the Alamodome Read more […]