Adventist Husband Celebrates 24 Hours Of Being Right While Wife At Women’s Retreat

Not since his single days has Adventist business owner, Chase Lindgren, enjoyed such an uninterrupted period of flawless decision making. After his wife took off for her women’s retreat this Read more […]

Southern Adventist University Fining Students For Coffee Breath

Collegedale, Tenn. – Always on the forefront of Adventist student regulation, Southern Adventist University announced today it has started fining students for coffee breath. Any student accused Read more […]

Biden Calls For Forgiveness Of Southern Adventist University Student Fine Debt

WASHINGTON, D.C. – US President-Elect Joe Biden has called for immediate congressional action to cancel “crippling Southern Adventist University fine debt.” The politician said that “no Read more […]

BREAKING: Trump Directed Southern’s Campus Safety To Spy On Biden

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Recently-surfaced Oval Office call transcripts that were declassified this morning show that President Donald Trump directed Campus Safety officers at Southern Adventist Read more […]

Homeland Security Secretary Resigns to Focus on Curfew Enforcement at Southern

WASHINGTON, DC – This week, US Homeland Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen resigned her position after 16 months on the often controversial job of deploying Trump-era security tactics aimed at keeping Read more […]

Southern Declares State of Emergency as Marriage Rate Dips

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Southern Adventist University has declared a State of Emergency after what administration described as a “troubling drop in marriage rates among our students.” The school’s Read more […]

Southern to include wedding expenses in graduation fees

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. —- A press release from Southern Adventist University has announced that in order to “streamline what often turns out to be nearly simultaneous events,” the university Read more […]

Southern’s Religion faculty busted for watching Star Wars in theater

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Faculty members of Southern Adventist University’s School of Religion are facing formal disciplinary action after being caught watching Star Wars: The Last Jedi en masse Read more […]

Southern students meet and marry within first month of school

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Two students have met and married within the first month of the new school year at Southern Adventist University. “This is a record, even for Southern,” read a university Read more […]