Solomon Found Crushed to Death Under Pile of 700 Marriage Yokes

JERUSALEM – In a discovery that has rocked the biblical archaeology world, researchers from Seventh-Dig Adventist University have unearthed startling evidence that appears to solve the mystery Read more […]

Guy Who Reminded Wife Scripture Says to Submit is Submitting to Night in Tent

Elias Uprighteous, the self-proclaimed guardian of biblical orthodoxy, found himself embroiled in a marital showdown when his wife, Rebecca, dared to question his divine authority to purchase a Read more […]

Adventists Who Insisted They Weren’t Dating Suddenly Married

SILVER SPRING, Md. – In a move that shocked absolutely no one in the Sligo Seventh-day Adventist Church, longtime church members Jasmine Landers and Derek Reynolds announced their marriage this Read more […]

Modesty Campaigner Asks Wife To Cover Up More In Bedroom

Local Adventist modesty campaigner Matt Streihtlase didn’t anticipate the reaction he got from his wife this afternoon. All he did was bring up her choice of bedroom attire. Streihtlase told his Read more […]

Pastors’ Wives Win Back Pay For Years Of Unpaid Labor

FINALLY: The US Supreme Court has ruled to award Adventist pastors’ wives backpay for all the unpaid work they have done simply because of their marriage to a pastor. In the ruling, the justices Read more […]

Adventist Husband Celebrates 24 Hours Of Being Right While Wife At Women’s Retreat

Not since his single days has Adventist business owner, Chase Lindgren, enjoyed such an uninterrupted period of flawless decision making. After his wife took off for her women’s retreat this Read more […]

GC Requires Wedding Bands, Admits Ringless Marriages “Super Confusing”

SILVER SPRING, Md. — In the biggest reversal in church policy since, well, EVER, the GC is now requiring married Adventists to wear wedding bands. “Although we won’t be opening jewellery Read more […]

Andrews Seminary Sells Impulse Engagement Rings

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — A vending machine for budget engagement rings has been installed in the front lobby of the seminary at Andrews University. A range of rings can now be purchased in a Read more […]

Deaconess Lives On Corner of Roof to Avoid Quarrelsome Husband

PASADENA, Calif. — Local Adventist deaconess, Hjalp Mig, has pitched a tent on the roof of her house to get some peace and quiet away from what she described to friends as a “quarrelsome husband Read more […]