Your Guide to Adventist Love Languages
We Adventists have our own twist on the classic love languages. Get ready to decode the secrets of Adventist affection and discover how to make your special someone’s heart go “Hallelujah!” 1. Read more […]
Category: Marriage
Modesty Campaigner Asks Wife To Cover Up More In Bedroom
Local Adventist modesty campaigner Matt Streihtlase didn’t anticipate the reaction he got from his wife this afternoon. All he did was bring up her choice of bedroom attire. Streihtlase told his Read more […]
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Pastors’ Wives Win Back Pay For Years Of Unpaid Labor
FINALLY: The US Supreme Court has ruled to award Adventist pastors’ wives backpay for all the unpaid work they have done simply because of their marriage to a pastor. In the ruling, the justices Read more […]
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Adventist Husband Celebrates 24 Hours Of Being Right While Wife At Women’s Retreat
Not since his single days has Adventist business owner, Chase Lindgren, enjoyed such an uninterrupted period of flawless decision making. After his wife took off for her women’s retreat this Read more […]
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GC Requires Wedding Bands, Admits Ringless Marriages “Super Confusing”
SILVER SPRING, Md. — In the biggest reversal in church policy since, well, EVER, the GC is now requiring married Adventists to wear wedding bands. “Although we won’t be opening jewellery Read more […]
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Andrews Seminary Sells Impulse Engagement Rings
BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — A vending machine for budget engagement rings has been installed in the front lobby of the seminary at Andrews University. A range of rings can now be purchased in a Read more […]
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Deaconess Lives On Corner of Roof to Avoid Quarrelsome Husband
PASADENA, Calif. — Local Adventist deaconess, Hjalp Mig, has pitched a tent on the roof of her house to get some peace and quiet away from what she described to friends as a “quarrelsome husband Read more […]
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Adventist Newlyweds Skip Reception To Get To Know Each Other
COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Ellen and James Casados fled their own wedding festivities minutes after the ceremony ended today. Telling themselves that their guests would do just as fine at the reception Read more […]
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Royal wedding moved to Sunday so Adventists can watch
WINDSOR, England — In a surprise concession, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are postponing their Saturday wedding by exactly one day so that Adventist fans can watch media coverage of the day. “We Read more […]
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Adventist honeymooners confused about cleaving
Bahamas — Faithful to Biblical guidance to leave their teary-eyed parents the minute their wedding cake was cut, Adventist honeymooners Cass and Sado Porfin made a beeline for their Bahamian Read more […]
