Ellen White Impersonator Suffers Heatstroke in Full 19th Century Attire at Outdoor Event

Ellen White impersonator Mildred Hawkins suffered a severe case of heatstroke during the annual Adventist Heritage Festival, collapsing dramatically mid-sermon. Dressed in a full-length black dress, Read more […]

New Adventist Dress Code Bans Anything More Stylish Than a Muu-Muu

SILVER SPRING, Md. – The General Conference Modesty Committee has issued a new dress code policy banning any clothing deemed too fashionable or stylish for faithful Adventists. The policy, titled Read more […]

GC: Adventist Women Must Waterski/Wakeboard in Full-Length Dresses

In a move anticipating summer water sports, the General Conference has issued a new mandate: all female Adventist waterskiers/wakeboarders must don full-length dresses while participating in the Read more […]

Modesty Campaigner Asks Wife To Cover Up More In Bedroom

Local Adventist modesty campaigner Matt Streihtlase didn’t anticipate the reaction he got from his wife this afternoon. All he did was bring up her choice of bedroom attire. Streihtlase told his Read more […]

Miss Universe Pageant To Be Judged Solely On Inner Beauty

NEW YORK CITY, N.Y. — Officials have announced that the next Miss Universe beauty pageant will be judged solely on the quality of contestants’ inner beauty. Each competitor will be rated on Read more […]

GC bans kissing in Adventist wedding ceremonies

  SILVER SPRING, Md. — Adventists can kiss kissing at weddings goodbye. As part of a General Conference campaign to enforce modesty standards across the world church, the world headquarters Read more […]