Saturday, May 17, 2025
Tag:

heaven

Andrews Communication Dept: In Heaven You’ll Look Like Your Favorite Insta Filter

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich—The Communication Department at Andrews University has confirmed that, upon entering Heaven, everyone will appear as their favorite Instagram filter. “Our extensive research...

GC to Vote on Dress Code for Heaven

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference headquarters of the Seventh-day Adventist Church has announced plans to hold a special session to vote on...

Report: Non-Adventists Going to Heaven

BREAKING NEWS: Legalists across the Adventist world were rushed to hospital today after sustaining panic attacks at the unwelcome report from leading denominational theologians...

Adventist App Shows How Your Body Will Look In Heaven

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — ADVENTBOD, an Adventist startup based on Loma Linda University campus, promises subscribers realistic renderings of how their bodies will look...

Scientists: Stripples WILL Get You Into Heaven

Everybody already knew Stripples were good but nobody knew just how good they were for you until today. According to a recent study in...

Heaven Creates Subdivision For Adventists

HEAVEN - Construction angels have been working overtime lately as an ultra-exclusive gated community in heaven takes shape. The subdivision will only house Adventists and...

Adventist teen prays for boyfriend before the Second Coming

  ST. JOSEPH, Mich.--- Espera Tepido has prayed every day for the past year for a nice Adventist boyfriend this side of the Second Coming. The...

Slide Show: Things Adventists secretly hope to do before Jesus comes again

Adventists believe in the imminent return of Jesus. If you grew up Adventist, you believed Jesus could come at any moment, but like, it was REALLY SOON. Yeah, heaven is going to blow your mind with its beyond-your-comprehension-awesomeness --- you can’t wait to wrestle with lions and/or have your own pet panda --- but at some point, we bet these secret yearnings crossed your mind.