Report: Non-Adventists Going to Heaven
BREAKING NEWS: Legalists across the Adventist world were rushed to hospital today after sustaining panic attacks at the unwelcome report from leading denominational theologians that non-Adventists Read more […]
Tag: heaven
Adventist App Shows How Your Body Will Look In Heaven
LOMA LINDA, Calif. — ADVENTBOD, an Adventist startup based on Loma Linda University campus, promises subscribers realistic renderings of how their bodies will look in the sweet bye and bye. Depending Read more […]
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Scientists: Stripples WILL Get You Into Heaven
Everybody already knew Stripples were good but nobody knew just how good they were for you until today. According to a recent study in the Journal Of Self-Accredited Researchers, scientists with Read more […]
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Heaven Creates Subdivision For Adventists
HEAVEN – Construction angels have been working overtime lately as an ultra-exclusive gated community in heaven takes shape. The subdivision will only house Adventists and is being built so Read more […]
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Adventist teen prays for boyfriend before the Second Coming
ST. JOSEPH, Mich.— Espera Tepido has prayed every day for the past year for a nice Adventist boyfriend this side of the Second Coming. The 16-year-old began making the urgent prayer Read more […]
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Slide Show: Things Adventists secretly hope to do before Jesus comes again
Adventists believe in the imminent return of Jesus. If you grew up Adventist, you believed Jesus could come at any moment, but like, it was REALLY SOON. Yeah, heaven is going to blow your mind with its beyond-your-comprehension-awesomeness — you can’t wait to wrestle with lions and/or have your own pet panda — but at some point, we bet these secret yearnings crossed your mind.
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Developer selling plots to Adventist subdivision in heaven
HOLLAND, Mich. — Adventist luxury home developer, Chuck Todson of Todson Heavenly Homes, has started selling down payments for 7-room mansions in what he is billing “the most exclusive subdivision Read more […]
