Saturday, May 17, 2025

Worthington

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Veganism

Scientists: Stripples WILL Get You Into Heaven

Everybody already knew Stripples were good but nobody knew just how good they were for you until today. According to a recent study in the Journal Of Self-Accredited Researchers,...
Worthington

General Conference bans Stripples for having the appearance of bacon

SILVER SPRING, Md. --- The General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists has banned Adventist consumption of the popular vegetarian bacon substitute, Stripples. The Worthington product...
Loma Linda

40 Days of FriChik fad sweeps Adventism

No strangers to the 40 Days of Prayer phenomenon, Adventist small groups across the United States are taking on a bold, entirely new challenge: 40...
Adventist Food

Adventists flee to wilderness with trailer of FriChik, forget can opener

BITTERROOT MOUNTAINS, Mont. --- A band of Adventists that fled to the Bitterroots range of the Rockies with a giant haul of FriChik has,...
Vegetarianism

San Antonio mayor declares city meat-free zone during GC Session

SAN ANTONIO, Texas --- "I realize this will be an adjustment," said San Antonio Mayor Ivy Taylor, announcing to local reporters that she was...
Adventist Culture

Pre-blessed Big Franks to hit stores

NASHVILLE, N. Car. --- The owners of the Worthington / Loma Linda brand are set to test a pre-blessed version of the popular Big...

BarelyAdventist is a satire and humor blog focused on Adventist culture and issues. Written by committed Adventists, the goal is to foster growth within the faith community through lighthearted conversation and humor, avoiding soapboxing or angry rants. The blog is not officially endorsed by the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists.

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