Southern Promises Never to Invite Back “Gift of Singleness” Speaker

Southern Adventist University has issued a formal apology and sworn a blood oath never to invite back the misguided speaker who dared to promote the “gift of singleness” during a recent Week of Read more […]

Maybe We Should Just Start an Adventist Singles Monastery

Listen up, fellow BarelyAdventists. Is anyone else tired of the Adventist dating scene? The awkward silences at church functions? The endless stream of well-meaning but clueless setups? Yeah, Read more […]

Seminarian’s Song of Solomon Pickup Lines Fail Miserably

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — Despite his best efforts, seminarian Ethan Thompson has discovered that employing pickup lines straight out of the Song of Solomon has led to a series of romantic misfires Read more […]

Adventist Dating Site Hacked – User Profiles Now Include ‘Second Coming Compatibility Scores’

The popular Adventist dating app “HeavenlyMatch.com” has fallen victim to a cyberattack, resulting in the exposure of sensitive user information.  The breach, discovered last week, has left Read more […]

Single Deacon Grateful to be God’s Gift to Humanity

In a revelation that has left his fellow churchgoers both annoyed and amused, 27-year-old Adventist bachelor, Daniel McSingleton, has declared himself to be “God’s gift to humanity” due to his unique Read more […]

Holy Connections: The Matchmaking Service for Seminarians

Calling all single seminarians with ministerial dreams and an impending job market!  The Adventist Church is introducing “Holy Connections,” the revolutionary matchmaking service designed exclusively Read more […]

Take This Quiz to Test Your Knowledge of Adventist Dating Etiquette

Test your knowledge of Adventist dating etiquette by taking our 10-question quiz: 1) What is the most important question to ask before going on a date with an Adventist? A) “What’s your favorite Read more […]

Single Adventist Youth Pastor’s Dating Profile

Greetings, fellow Adventist singles! I’m a single Adventist youth pastor who’s ready to mingle and spread the love of Jesus with someone special. When I’m not busy leading youth Bible studies or Read more […]