Slacker Church Parking Volunteer Hasn’t Done Job In Months

This guy literally hasn’t done a thing in months. While he used to self-importantly stride around the church parking lot on Sabbath mornings, all he does these days is just smile and wave on Read more […]

Slide Show: #TBT — Adventists legends when they were young(ish)

It’s Throwback Thursday! Can you guess who these Adventists/Adventist-connected people are?

Woman has lowered standards enough to date that guy from church

GLENDALE, Calif. — Although it hasn’t been an easy journey getting to this point, Michelle Turner says that the next time that Ed from church asks her out, she might actually say yes. Turner Read more […]

Super Senior at Walla Walla that has ‘dated everyone’ mulls transfer to Southern

Super Senior Jake COLLEGE PLACE, Wash. — Twenty-five-year-old Jake Newhall, a French Studies super senior at Walla Walla University, thinks it might be time to transfer to Southern. The reason? Read more […]

Adventists sign up for electronic obituary update service to keep abreast of future marriage prospects

Battle Creek, Mich. — “This service is the best thing since sliced bead,” gushed 79-year-old retired academy teacher Victor Wilson, whose wife passed away from diabetes complications three Read more […]

Adventist date doctor promises romance for single Adventists over 30

Berkeley, Calif. — Justin Tamber, a self-styled “Adventist Date Doctor” promises prospective Adventist clients over age 30 a happy romance with a fellow Adventist within a month of signing Read more […]

EXPOSED: Most overused pick-up line in Adventism

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — According to an international survey of 10,000 single Seventh-day Adventist women over the age of 21, the most overused pick-up line used by single Adventist men is Read more […]