Single Deacon Grateful to be God’s Gift to Humanity

In a revelation that has left his fellow churchgoers both annoyed and amused, 27-year-old Adventist bachelor, Daniel McSingleton, has declared himself to be “God’s gift to humanity” due to his unique Read more […]

Eligible Adventist Males Declared Endangered Species

FONTAINEBLEU, France — The International Union for Conservation of Nature has made its first human addition to the list of endangered species: eligible Adventist males. The IUCN said that numbers Read more […]

Local Church Bachelor Claims He is Too Pretty to Step Down as Greeter

VANITYVILLE, Calif. — Joe Shmugh has notified his local congregation’s nominating committee that there is “no way this side of eternity” he is stepping down from his “vital role” as Read more […]

Gender-Neutral Ministries Dept Replaces Women’s/Men’s Ministries In Swedish Union

STOCKHOLM, Sweden — Segregated men’s and women’s ministries are a thing of the past in the Swedish Adventist Church. The old departments have been thrown out in favor of what the Swedish Union Read more […]

Pastor’s Husband Sick Of Being Judged On Terrible Flower Displays

Local pastor’s husband R. N. Down could not be prouder of his wife and her ministry to their congregation. And while he is trying hard to be supportive, he’s sick and tired of all the judgy Read more […]

Slacker Church Parking Volunteer Hasn’t Done Job In Months

This guy literally hasn’t done a thing in months. While he used to self-importantly stride around the church parking lot on Sabbath mornings, all he does these days is just smile and wave on Read more […]

Single, Eligible Adventist Men Declared Endangered Species

New York, N.Y. — The United Nations has added single, eligible Adventist males to the list of critically endangered species worldwide. The action was taken after representatives from the Read more […]

Adventist suffers neck pain from unequal yoking to smarter wife

LOS ANGELES, Calif. — An Adventist man was taken to the emergency room of East Los Angeles-based White Memorial Medical Center this morning with neck pain that he claimed had been building up Read more […]