Things That Make Adventists Jealous
Ah, jealousy. It’s an ugly emotion, but we all experience it from time to time. And Adventists are no exception. In fact, there are some things that can make an Adventist so jealous they’ll block Read more […]
Category: Adventist Parents
iPhone 14 Updates Your Mother On Your Progress Finding Nice Adventist Date
Good news! Thanks to the wonders of over-priced technology, you mom will no longer need to ask you if you’ve found that special Adventist somebody. The iPhone 14 will simply send her a weekly Read more […]
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Breaking: Facebook Allowed Adventist Mom To Spy On Millennial Son
WASHINGTON, D.C. —- Calls for action against Facebook intensified on Capitol Hill today with the bombshell revelation that an overly-involved Adventist mom has been using the social media platform Read more […]
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Parents Beg Still-At-Home Son To Go Forth And Multiply
BRACKNELL, Berks. — The Browns have prayed for years for their son Mark to get a life and get out of their house. But three years after getting an English Literature degree, the call center Read more […]
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Adventist moms celebrated for great job raising children, husband
ADVENTIST WORLD — Adventist families celebrating Mother’s Day are praising their mothers for the selfless, unending work they do year after year as they patiently train up their children … Read more […]
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Adventist parents breathe sigh of relief as Justin Timberlake performs wardrobe malfunction-free Super Bowl halftime show
MINNEAPOLIS, Minn. — Adventist parents across the United States breathed a collective sigh of relief as Justin Timberlake concluded his Super Bowl halftime show last night without a single wardrobe Read more […]
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Adventist preacher introductions must clarify whether visiting speaker is single or taken
SILVER SPRING, Md. — Adventist congregations around the world have been ordered to provide what church administrators call a “vital morsel of information” about visiting preachers. Any such Read more […]
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Adventist inbreeding results in peculiar people
Los Angeles, Calif. — Researchers at the University of Southern California have discovered that some of the quirks shared among Adventists are the result of intense inbreeding. “Adventists Read more […]
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Pregnancy scan tells Adventists if their baby will be a pastor, teacher or medical professional
LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Adventist couples expecting babies have crashed registration sites for a new kind of pregnancy scan. The Sabatistascan allows Adventist parents to know with 99% certainty Read more […]
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Report: Adventist inbreeding results in genetic weakness for haystacks
LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Researchers at Loma Linda University’s School of Public Health have detected a genetic weakness in multigenerational Adventists that renders them “defenseless against the Read more […]
