Tone-deaf Special Music Soloist Strikes Fear Into Hearts of Church Members as He Promises to Sing for Third Sabbath in a Row

Chalkboard, Mich. — Members of Flat Note Seventh-day Adventist Church are bracing themselves for yet another special music by their tone-deaf soloist (and only willing special music provider) Read more […]

“Come, Thou Long Expected Conference Session” and Other Very Adventist Hymn Names

Ah, Adventist hymns. The perfect way to lull yourself into a peaceful Sabbath afternoon nap (or get riled up for that evangelistic campaign.) Here are some of our favorite Adventist hymn names (with Read more […]

Kanye Announces Atlanta Adventist Academy Listening Event

ATLANTA, Ga. – Fresh off another Donda listening event in Atlanta’s Mercedes-Benz Stadium, rapper/fashion designer Kanye West announced that ahead of his yet-to-be-released album, he wants to Read more […]

“Jesus Loves The Little Children” Finally Recognized As Racist

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Adventist Sabbath Schools will no longer sing the chorus ‘Jesus Loves The Little Children’ after what relieved members have described as a long-overdue acknowledgement Read more […]

Music Pastor Job Hunting After Playing Baby Shark During Children’s Offering

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — Bebo Greenley, who until recently was music pastor at Heavenly Waters Adventist Church in Berrien Springs, is on the hunt for fresh job leads after being fired last Read more […]