Adventist Music
Church Sound Team Adds Subliminal “Tithe Now” Message to Hymn Instrumentals
In a groundbreaking stewardship initiative, the sound team at Oakridge Seventh-day Adventist Church has reportedly embedded subliminal messages into their instrumental hymn tracks, causing an unexpected surge in tithe...
Adventist Music
Adventist Review Accidentally Prints Taylor Swift’s Tour Schedule Instead of Camp Meeting Dates
In a surprising mix-up that has Adventists everywhere checking their calendars, the Adventist Review's latest issue mistakenly published Taylor Swift's "The Eras Tour" schedule...
Adventist Music
Worship Team Tryouts: May the Best Diva Win
Attention, Perfection Sanctuary Church!
Are you ready to take your worship game to the next level? We are excited to announce our upcoming Worship Team...
Adventist Music
Congregation Suffers Hearing Loss as Deaconess Insists on Singing Hymns in Piercing Soprano
Sister Amy Whitfield, renowned for her zeal and commitment as a deaconess, led the song service at Balm of Gilead SDA in what can...
Adventist Music
Wannabe Heritage Singers Restarting Special Music For Third Time
An awkward scene played out at the Pineview Seventh-day Adventist Church last Sabbath, as the special music group struggled mightily through an ambitious a...
Adventist Music
7 Places Adventists Could Use More Cowbell
As the famous Saturday Night Live skit taught us, there's no such thing as too much cowbell. And as Adventists, we seem to have...
Adventist Music
Old-Timer Prays for Jesus to Return Before Those “Dang Hippie Youngsters” Lead Praise Again
The usually peaceful Polkadot Plains Adventist Church was the scene of mild commotion this Sabbath, as 73-year-old Ethel Rutabaga reportedly delayed potluck with a...
Adventist Music
NAD Declares “Pray For Jon Bon Jovi’s Vocal Cords Day”
SILVER SPRING, MD - The North American Division of the Seventh-day Adventist Church has declared next Saturday as the first annual "Pray For Jon...
Adventist Music
Absolutely Nobody Felt Like Learning New Praise Song
“Good morning CHURCH!! We’ve got a real treat for you this morning. It’s a brand new song we’re going to learn! Can I have...
Adventist Music
New Rule: Adventists That Can’t Play An Instrument Must Seek Rebaptism
Non-musical Adventists will need to re-enter the watery grave thanks to new guidance from the GC department of music compliance.
The rationale for the new...
Adventist Music
Tone-deaf Special Music Soloist Strikes Fear Into Hearts of Church Members as He Promises to Sing for Third Sabbath in a Row
Chalkboard, Mich. — Members of Flat Note Seventh-day Adventist Church are bracing themselves for yet another special music by their tone-deaf soloist (and only willing...