Absolutely Nobody Felt Like Learning New Praise Song

“Support the BarelyAdventist team by joining our Patreon community or leaving a PayPal tip - it means the world to us.”

“Good morning CHURCH!! We’ve got a real treat for you this morning. It’s a brand new song we’re going to learn! Can I have an Amen?” yelled an overexcited Ben Hilson as he took to the stage of Lesser Light SDA this Sabbath.

A solitary Amen greeted Hilson, from a member who clearly hadn’t been paying attention but just wanted to sound supportive.

As Ben and the rest of the praise team struggled through the new song, the congregation’s enthusiasm waned faster than a melting ice cream cone on a hot summer day. Murmurs of confusion and disinterest filled the air, punctuated only by the occasional cough or stifled yawn.

Ben’s forced enthusiasm was met with a sea of blank stares and crossed arms, as if the congregation had collectively decided to stage a silent protest against musical experimentation.

By the time they reached the chorus for the third time, it was abundantly clear that absolutely nobody wanted to learn this new song.

As the final chord rang out, Ben flashed a sheepish grin and attempted to rally the troops with a half-hearted “Let’s give it up for the praise team!” Tepid applause followed, accompanied by whispers of, “Let’s hope they stick to the old hymns next time.”


You’ve had your fix of satire. Now head over to Adventist Today for current events updates, analysis and opinion on all things Adventist.


(Visited 250 times, 1 visits today)


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *