Old-Timer Prays for Jesus to Return Before Those “Dang Hippie Youngsters” Lead Praise Again

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The usually peaceful Polkadot Plains Adventist Church was the scene of mild commotion this Sabbath, as 73-year-old Ethel Rutabaga reportedly delayed potluck with a dramatic prayer for Jesus to return before the young people took over praise team duties for Youth Sabbath next month.

“Dear Lord, please, please don’t let those dang hippie youngsters get up there with their hippity-hop racket and drums again,” implored Rutabaga, listing everything about the contemporary music style that irked her during the last Youth Sabbath as stomachs rumbled ahead of lunch.

“My whole body tensed up as soon as that long-haired hooligan said they’d be singing something called ‘Reckless Moisture’ or whatever new-fangled nonsense,” continued Rutabaga.

“I give thanks the song leaders had the decency to keep things traditional with the instruments today,” Rutabaga said. “If I hear so much as a whisper of those electric guitars again, I may just lose it,” she added before asking the Lord to bless the food.


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