New Rule: Adventists That Can’t Play An Instrument Must Seek Rebaptism

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Non-musical Adventists will need to re-enter the watery grave thanks to new guidance from the GC department of music compliance.

The rationale for the new rule is that members that don’t play an instrument “obviously did not benefit from an appropriate Adventist childhood where everyone was, at the very least, forced to perform in the bell choir on Sabbath morning and RESPONSIBLE Adventist parents forced their kids to learn to play piano for church.” 

After rebaptism, members will be afforded 13 Sabbaths to demonstrate progress in musical lessons in any instrument except the drums. According to the new guidance, new converts will be afforded 6 months to pick up an instrument as “no one has given them the heads-up on how demanding we can be.”

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