Wannabe Heritage Singers Restarting Special Music For Third Time

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An awkward scene played out at the Pineview Seventh-day Adventist Church last Sabbath, as the special music group struggled mightily through an ambitious a cappella rendition of the classic “I’m So Glad.”

From the first few measures, it was evident the team had bitten off more than they could rhythmically chew with their complex, multi-part harmonized arrangement seemingly inspired by the legendary Heritage Singers.

Voices clashed and entrances were mistimed, bringing the performance to a cringing halt just 30 seconds into the piece. After a moment of tense discussion, the ensemble restarted from the top.

The second attempt fared no better, with the intricate melismas and overlapping vocal lines causing a cascading breakdown. Unfazed, the troupe soldiered on for an unfortunate third try that exactly nobody in the congregation wanted.

This time making it about halfway through the first verse, it seemed some ensemble members had simply given up, reverting to awkwardly mouth-shaping or zoning out as the remaining singers bravely pushed through thickets of ungainly dissonance.

“Wow, at this point, I was just praying for a mic cable to mercifully get unplugged or a prophetic meteor strike, anything to make the madness stop,” admitted one noticeably shell-shocked Sabbath School teacher.

Eventually calling an emergency audible, the group transitioned into a far more rudimentary arrangement of “He Leadeth Me” which, while not exactly camp meeting-quality, at least allowed everyone to escape with their pitches and dignity relatively intact.


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