iPhone 14 Updates Your Mother On Your Progress Finding Nice Adventist Date

“Support the BarelyAdventist team by joining our Patreon community or leaving a PayPal tip - it means the world to us.”

Good news! Thanks to the wonders of over-priced technology, you mom will no longer need to ask you if you’ve found that special Adventist somebody.

The iPhone 14 will simply send her a weekly update, with high-level details of your romantic life, focusing particularly on whether you’ve found someone that knows their hymns, can tell a solid children’s story on short notice and owns at least one copy of the Great Controversy.

In the event you’ve found someone appropriate, your mother will be sent a “TELL EVERYONE” notification along with multiple calendar dates on which you will be persistently urged to bring your new love interest to Friday night dinner with the extended family.

---

SPONSORED LINKS

You’ve had your fix of satire. Now head over to Adventist Today for current events updates, analysis and opinion on all things Adventist.

Follow @BarelyAdventist

.