iPhone 14 Updates Your Mother On Your Progress Finding Nice Adventist Date

Good news! Thanks to the wonders of over-priced technology, you mom will no longer need to ask you if you’ve found that special Adventist somebody.

The iPhone 14 will simply send her a weekly update, with high-level details of your romantic life, focusing particularly on whether you’ve found someone that knows their hymns, can tell a solid children’s story on short notice and owns at least one copy of the Great Controversy.

In the event you’ve found someone appropriate, your mother will be sent a “TELL EVERYONE” notification along with multiple calendar dates on which you will be persistently urged to bring your new love interest to Friday night dinner with the extended family.


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