Maybe We Should Just Start an Adventist Singles Monastery

Listen up, fellow BarelyAdventists. Is anyone else tired of the Adventist dating scene? The awkward silences at church functions? The endless stream of well-meaning but clueless setups? Yeah, Read more […]

Adventists Who Insisted They Weren’t Dating Suddenly Married

SILVER SPRING, Md. – In a move that shocked absolutely no one in the Sligo Seventh-day Adventist Church, longtime church members Jasmine Landers and Derek Reynolds announced their marriage this Read more […]

Take This Quiz to Test Your Knowledge of Adventist Dating Etiquette

Test your knowledge of Adventist dating etiquette by taking our 10-question quiz: 1) What is the most important question to ask before going on a date with an Adventist? A) “What’s your favorite Read more […]

US News and World Report Declares Southern Best College to Find Vegetarian Spouse

Collegedale, Tenn. — For the first time ever, US News and World Report has ranked schools in view of their ability to provide students with “a high chance of finding a vegetarian to marry.” US Read more […]

iPhone 14 Updates Your Mother On Your Progress Finding Nice Adventist Date

Good news! Thanks to the wonders of over-priced technology, you mom will no longer need to ask you if you’ve found that special Adventist somebody. The iPhone 14 will simply send her a weekly Read more […]

Adventist newlyweds to continue pre-wedding zero tolerance policy toward kissing

Rob and Kristen Davis believe that the secret to what they call a “long and fuss-free marriage” can be summed up in two words: No kissing. “We are proud to say that we did not kiss once during Read more […]