“We are proud to say that we did not kiss once during our two years of courtship before our wedding day,” said Kirsten, a stoical gleam in her eye. “We are sure that what worked so well for us in courtship will serve us equally well in marriage.”
Kirsten explained that abstaining from kissing keeps the couple focused on what truly matters. “In the time we could be flitting away in vain smooching we are instead able to go bird watching, pull weeds in our vegetable garden and get a head start on our canning for the season.”
The path the couple has chosen is not without its temptations. Rob admits that at times he is tempted to give his young bride a peck on the cheek. “We were walking down the charcoal aisle of our local ABC store the other day, pan flute music was playing and the lighting was just right… but I pulled myself together,” said Rob.
The couple claims that, as with most things in life, the key to avoiding kissing lies in finding a solid substitute. “High-fives are to kissing what FriChik is to chicken,” said Kirsten. “Pretty soon you don’t need the real thing.”
When all else fails Rob and Kirsten have found marathon 3ABN viewing sessions to be a failure-proof strategy for chasing steamy thoughts far from their minds. They are such fans that they have decided to pitch a reality show about their kissing-free marriage to the network. Rob has proposed calling it “Long Road Ahead.”
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