“We are proud to say that we did not kiss once during our two years of courtship before our wedding day,” said Kirsten, a stoical gleam in her eye. “We are sure that what worked so well for us in courtship will serve us equally well in marriage.”
Kirsten explained that abstaining from kissing keeps the couple focused on what truly matters. “In the time we could be flitting away in vain smooching we are instead able to go bird watching, pull weeds in our vegetable garden and get a head start on our canning for the season.”
The path the couple has chosen is not without its temptations. Rob admits that at times he is tempted to give his young bride a peck on the cheek. “We were walking down the charcoal aisle of our local ABC store the other day, pan flute music was playing and the lighting was just right… but I pulled myself together,” said Rob.
The couple claims that, as with most things in life, the key to avoiding kissing lies in finding a solid substitute. “High-fives are to kissing what FriChik is to chicken,” said Kirsten. “Pretty soon you don’t need the real thing.”
When all else fails Rob and Kirsten have found marathon 3ABN viewing sessions to be a failure-proof strategy for chasing steamy thoughts far from their minds. They are such fans that they have decided to pitch a reality show about their kissing-free marriage to the network. Rob has proposed calling it “Long Road Ahead.”
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the problem is that high-fives lead naturally to hand-holding, which is another terrible temptation
That’s why follow-through is so important, utilizing the initial palm impact to enhance the hand separation effect. Smack ’em ’till it hurts, that’s the key.
(Now, what to do about my last name…)
Thankfully with that attitude they won’t procreate. Darwinian theory at its best.
(Just wait, someone will remind me that the story was satire).
Like 🙂
7/25/14
This couple needs to watch some of the “19 & Counting” episodes to get more insight on kissing, hand-holding, hugging, dating,etc. It works for the Dugger family, it will work for you!! The next 2015 GC will be adopting a kissing best practices policy. Wish they had it when I was in college a long time ago!!
To each their own, but God wants us to be happy and enjoy our mate. Kissing is a form of connection to your loved one. Its in the Bible. I absolutely 100 percent love kissing my husband and always will .
And so you will punt your extreme “Godliness”(?!) to a reality network (and the masses) and make money out of how much better/ good/ Christian you are than other people?!
Where does it say anything about Godliness or being a better Christian??? It says a lot about you with that type of asumption!!
It says I interrogate people’s motivations and perhaps more so when they associate certain behiour with their religion (which by the nature of this publication, they have).What do you think their motivation is?
How utterly sad. God created physical intimacy and these two actually believe they know better than God. Predict this marriage won’t last.
Your acting like your still dating not that you moved on to marriage. I will say that you won’t stay together.
Such a distorted view of marriage! Very misleading and definitely not an idea worth spreading on 3ABN! Endorsing this would paint a skewed picture of the network’s view of marriage.
Hhhahaha…this made my afternoon