Southern Promises Never to Invite Back “Gift of Singleness” Speaker

Southern Adventist University has issued a formal apology and sworn a blood oath never to invite back the misguided speaker who dared to promote the “gift of singleness” during a recent Week of Read more […]

Guy Who Reminded Wife Scripture Says to Submit is Submitting to Night in Tent

Elias Uprighteous, the self-proclaimed guardian of biblical orthodoxy, found himself embroiled in a marital showdown when his wife, Rebecca, dared to question his divine authority to purchase a Read more […]

Adventists Who Insisted They Weren’t Dating Suddenly Married

SILVER SPRING, Md. – In a move that shocked absolutely no one in the Sligo Seventh-day Adventist Church, longtime church members Jasmine Landers and Derek Reynolds announced their marriage this Read more […]

Holy Connections: The Matchmaking Service for Seminarians

Calling all single seminarians with ministerial dreams and an impending job market!  The Adventist Church is introducing “Holy Connections,” the revolutionary matchmaking service designed exclusively Read more […]

Adventist teen prays for boyfriend before the Second Coming

  ST. JOSEPH, Mich.— Espera Tepido has prayed every day for the past year for a nice Adventist boyfriend this side of the Second Coming. The 16-year-old began making the urgent prayer Read more […]

Slide Show: Things Adventists secretly hope to do before Jesus comes again

Adventists believe in the imminent return of Jesus. If you grew up Adventist, you believed Jesus could come at any moment, but like, it was REALLY SOON. Yeah, heaven is going to blow your mind with its beyond-your-comprehension-awesomeness — you can’t wait to wrestle with lions and/or have your own pet panda — but at some point, we bet these secret yearnings crossed your mind.

Bickering Adventist couple plans to move way north so the sun will never set on their anger

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Clara and Ed Holder have big plans for their marriage next year. The Collegedale-based couple is planning to move to a country with territory comfortably within the Read more […]

Adventist church cool with gay people as long as they’re not gay about it

CAPE TOWN, South Africa — Affirmed in our Straighthood, the first-ever Adventist conference on alternative sexualities, was held in mid-March this year.  It was attended by almost 350 delegates Read more […]