Loma Linda No Longer Blue Zone After Retired Church Administrators Move In, Ruin Life Expectancy

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Long the jewel in the Adventist lifestyle crown, Loma Linda has suffered a dramatic fall from grace due to the torrential influx of retired church administrators moving to Read more […]

San Antonio declared Blue Zone as Adventist centenarians arrive for General Conference

SAN ANTONIO, Texas — A team of National Geographic reporters has declared San Antonio a Blue Zone as scores of centenarians have descended upon the city for the Seventh-day Adventist Church’s Read more […]

Slide Show: Things Adventists secretly hope to do before Jesus comes again

Adventists believe in the imminent return of Jesus. If you grew up Adventist, you believed Jesus could come at any moment, but like, it was REALLY SOON. Yeah, heaven is going to blow your mind with its beyond-your-comprehension-awesomeness — you can’t wait to wrestle with lions and/or have your own pet panda — but at some point, we bet these secret yearnings crossed your mind.