Plane Full of Teetotaling Adventists Assumed to be Alcoholics

A plane full of teetotaling Seventh-day Adventists returning from an extreme church building mission trip in the Dominican Republic was assumed to be carrying a rowdy bunch of alcoholics by the Read more […]

Next GC Session Entirely Dedicated To Generating List of Sabbath-Approved Cartoons

The next General Conference Session promises to be a nail-biter. Forget about pronouncements on women’s ordination or eschatological debates. This time, the minds at the GC are laser-focused on Read more […]

Things Adventists Love Beyond Reason

We Adventists have a near-inexplicable infatuation with a number of things. Here are some of them: Ellen White paraphernalia like furniture she used Even the most far-flung Ellen White research Read more […]

You Might Be a Conservative Adventist If…

You might be a conservative Adventist if: You never miss a vespers. Your idea of a wild Friday night is inviting friends over to read Ellen White’s writings aloud. After vespers, of course. You Read more […]

Prince Harry and Meghan Ink Deal with Amazing Facts Television for Monarchy Series

Sacramento, Calif. — Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have announced a groundbreaking collaboration with Amazing Facts, the renowned Adventist television ministry helmed by evangelist Doug Batchelor. Read more […]

Andrews University: Watching Animal Planet Counts for Worship Credit

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — In a stunning announcement, Andrews University has revealed that watching Animal Planet now counts for worship credit. The new rule states that students can earn up to Read more […]

John Wick 5 to Feature Newly-Adventist, Non-violent Keanu Reeves Subduing Victims With Knots

In an unexpected plot twist for the upcoming John Wick 5, Keanu Reeves’ character, the former hitman John Wick, has converted to Adventism and renounced violence altogether. Instead, Wick has become Read more […]

Collonges Cancels Student Exchange Program With Universidad Adventista del Plata Following World Cup Final

Haute-Savoie, FRANCE – Collonges (also know as Campus Adventiste du Salève) has called off any student exchange activity with Argentina-based Universidad Adventista del Plata after a crushing 2022 Read more […]

Veggie Tales To Tell Uncle Arthur’s Bedtime Stories

UNIVERSAL CITY, Calif — Announcing the discovery of a “treasure trove of amazing material,” Veggie Tales producers are promising a series of new cartoons based on Uncle Arthur’s bedtime Read more […]