Thursday, November 14, 2024

Uncategorized

New ABC Bestseller: ‘Bedtime Stories for Last-Day Kids’ Series Causes Stir

Pacific Press Publishing Association has announced the launch of a controversial new children's book series that's already causing sleepless nights—for both children and their concerned parents. The Series Lineup The newly...

Local Adventist Finally Admits Cookie Binge Was His Own Fault, Not Satan’s

In a groundbreaking moment of personal accountability, local church member Brad Thompson has publicly acknowledged that his recent demolition of an entire batch of...

Church Social Committee Faces Backlash After Scheduling Event That Doesn’t Involve Food

SILVER SPRING, Maryland — The Pleasant Valley Seventh-day Adventist Church Social Committee is facing unprecedented criticism after announcing their latest event: a poetry reading...

Pew-fection: The Holy Grail of Sabbath Seating

Attention, fellow Adventists! Are you tired of subpar seating ruining your Sabbath experience? Fear not! Our crack team of professional pew-sitters has compiled the...

Church Member Practices Smug Face for When Jesus Returns

Tammy Smugworth, a long-time member of the Pineview Seventh-day Adventist Church, has reportedly been spending hours in front of her mirror, perfecting what she...

Pastor Claims Jacob’s Trouble Actually a Reference to His Unruly Teenage Son

Local pastor Wilbur Wheatley has proposed a novel understanding of the prophetic concept known as "Jacob's Trouble." During a recent potluck-turned-impromptu-sermon, Wheatley shared his...

Daniel 2 Sermon Accidentally Predicts Winning Lottery Numbers

Pastor John Smith of the Peaceful Valley SDA Church inadvertently predicted the winning lottery numbers during his sermon on Daniel 2 last SabbathAs Pastor...

Gun Lobby Ready To Move On From Colorado Shooting

USA - As tragic as it was to endure a couple news cycles of bad press, the gun lobby is shaking the dust of...

OBG – Parents demand tuition refund from Southern for their unmarried kids

Look what we dug up from the archives:) COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. --- Mark and Suzie Robertson, parents of two recent Southern Adventist University graduates, are demanding...

Pathfinders mount coup against leader

MARIETTA, Ga. --- Maybe it was the way Sue Brimmings counted her Pathfinder honors loudly in public. Maybe it was because she wore the...

Post Record Keeper shut down, GC declares PowerPoint sole acceptable form of creative expression

Following the recent announcement that the General Conference was scrapping the much-anticipated release of the web series The Record Keeper, a set of guidelines for...