LA Adventist Preps Escape to Hollywood Hills for Time of Trouble

Harold Pendergast III, a prominent Los Angeles-based oral surgeon has announced to his local Adventist congregation that he isn’t just waiting around for the Time of Trouble: he is finalizing Read more […]

Adventist Town Gripped by Sunday Law Fears as Local Bakery Announces Sunday Closure

Hopeville, SDA – In news that has sent shivers down the spines of even the most seasoned doomsayers, Hopeville’s beloved “Heavenly Pastries” bakery announced its doors will be closed this coming Read more […]

GC Recommends Extra Long Skirts for Maximum Modesty During Time of Trouble

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference sent out an urgent announcement today reminding members of the need for “maximum modesty throughout the Time of Trouble.” In a press release Read more […]

GC: Uber Not Viable End Times Escape Plan

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference leadership of the church has warned members not to plan on booking an Uber to escape to the wilderness in the Time of Trouble. “Not only will Read more […]

Contractor Transforms Basements Into Time Of Trouble Bunkers

Mole Hill, Tenn. — Stor Kallare, a licensed contractor with a specialty in “luxury, prophecy-savvy design” is currently over-booked transforming the basements of Adventists across the nation, Read more […]

Slide Show: 15 things Adventists say, decoded

Ever wonder about the meaning of those strange phrases and words Adventists let fly with the greatest of ease? Wonder no more! Read on to find out what your Adventist friends are really trying to tell you.

Storm-devastated Adventist Canadian camp selected as World Time of Trouble Training HQ

FRASER VALLEY, BC — A two-day ice storm has devastated an Adventist-owned camp in Fraser Valley, British Columbia, reducing it to what Camp Director Petit Gerbile has likened to a “war Read more […]

Adventists rescued as practice ‘Run for the Hills’ goes wrong

photo by SIOUX FALLS, S.D. — A group of 28 exhausted Adventists has been rescued 24 hours after straying from a popular hiking trail.  “We were on a hike that was Read more […]