Billion-Copy ‘Great Controversy’ Distribution Hastens Second Coming Through Deforestation

SILVER SPRING, Md. — There’s a twist to General Conference plans to distribute a billion copies of The Great Controversy. “We could just have emailed a billion PDFs to people but we aren’t Read more […]

Controversial Vote To Decide Location Of Second Coming Lift-Off Area In GC Parking Lot

SILVER SPRING, Md. – Later today, General Conference leaders will be voting on the hotly-debated topic of where in the HQ’s parking lot to gather at the time of the Second Coming. So far nobody Read more […]

Adventists: “Raptured” Evangelical Really Just Snatched By Federal Agents

PORTLAND, Ore. — Adventists in the Pacfic Northwest have done their honest part to point out that local Evangelical, Agah Peh, widely assumed to have been raptured yesterday, had simply been snatched Read more […]

Biblical Research Institute: Unclear if Government Will Reopen Before Second Coming

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The Biblical Research Institute announced this morning that three weeks of intense study had led the team to conclude that it was unclear what would come first: the reopening Read more […]

ARNOLD: “I’ll be back” line inspired by Adventist Second Coming sermon

HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — In an exclusive interview with the Adventist Review, action movie star and former Governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger acknowledged that one of his most famous catchphrases Read more […]