Second Coming
Turns out Shaking California Adventists Experienced Was Simply an Earthquake
LOS ANGELES, Calif. — Local Adventist Joe Reverent was giving a stirring sermon on the imminent end times when the ground began to tremble. Congregants, already on edge from...
Second Coming
Andrews Communication Dept: In Heaven You’ll Look Like Your Favorite Insta Filter
BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich—The Communication Department at Andrews University has confirmed that, upon entering Heaven, everyone will appear as their favorite Instagram filter.
“Our extensive research...
Prophecy
Evangelist Renews Annual Promise of Jesus’ Return Before Christmas
Local Preacher Brother Bartholomew Brightside has once again captured headlines with his bold pronouncement that Jesus Christ will be returning to Earth before Christmas....
Second Coming
Loma Linda Med Student Prays for Second Coming Before He Has To Pay Back School Loans
Loma Linda, Calif. - In a stunning display of faith and fiscal desperation, a local medical student at Loma Linda University, John Stethoscope, has...
Second Coming
Adventist Committee Sets Guinness World Record For Longest Meeting
BERKSHIRE, England — A Newbold Church committee meeting (still in session) has just set a Guinness Record for the longest meeting on record.
The committee...
Second Coming
GC: Uber Not Viable End Times Escape Plan
SILVER SPRING, Md. --- The General Conference leadership of the church has warned members not to plan on booking an Uber to escape to...
Second Coming
Walter Veith to Reveal Year of Second Coming at GC Session
ADVENTIST WORLD — The wait will soon be over for Walter Veith fans that need clarity on the approximate date of Christ’s Second Coming....
General Conference
Billion-Copy ‘Great Controversy’ Distribution Hastens Second Coming Through Deforestation
SILVER SPRING, Md. — There’s a twist to General Conference plans to distribute a billion copies of The Great Controversy.
“We could just have emailed...
General Conference
Controversial Vote To Decide Location Of Second Coming Lift-Off Area In GC Parking Lot
SILVER SPRING, Md. - Later today, General Conference leaders will be voting on the hotly-debated topic of where in the HQ’s parking lot to...
Second Coming
Adventists: “Raptured” Evangelical Really Just Snatched By Federal Agents
PORTLAND, Ore. --- Adventists in the Pacfic Northwest have done their honest part to point out that local Evangelical, Agah Peh, widely assumed to...
Second Coming
Biblical Research Institute: Unclear if Government Will Reopen Before Second Coming
SILVER SPRING, Md. --- The Biblical Research Institute announced this morning that three weeks of intense study had led the team to conclude that...