Billion-Copy ‘Great Controversy’ Distribution Hastens Second Coming Through Deforestation

SILVER SPRING, Md. — There’s a twist to General Conference plans to distribute a billion copies of The Great Controversy.

“We could just have emailed a billion PDFs to people but we aren’t just hastening the Second Coming through info dissemination here,” said GC Apocalypse Now Director, Jim Prontisimo. 

“There’s a benefit to going old school with printed books as they’ll have to fell the remaining rainforests to have enough paper for this job,” he added.

“Deforestation on that scale will virtually guarantee the Second Coming,” said Prontisimo, making a mental note to update the latest prophecy charts before they go to print.

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