GC Announces Plans to Distribute 1 Billion 28 Fundamentals VHS Tapes Globally

In a move that left members speechless, the GC unveiled a bold new initiative this morning: “Operation Saturation: 28 Fundamentals on a Billion Tapes!” Yes, you read that right. A billion. VHS tapes. Apparently, Read more […]

Publishing Houses Furiously Bidding on Billion-Copy “Great Controversy” Print Job

Publishing houses across the Adventist world have thrown their hats into the ring to secure the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to print a billion copies of Ellen White classic “The Great Controversy”. Read more […]

Billion-Copy ‘Great Controversy’ Distribution Hastens Second Coming Through Deforestation

SILVER SPRING, Md. — There’s a twist to General Conference plans to distribute a billion copies of The Great Controversy. “We could just have emailed a billion PDFs to people but we aren’t Read more […]

Church Board member miraculously transforms molehills into towering mountains

WATFORD, England — Stanborough Seventh-day Adventist Church Board member, Max Forvirring, has spent the last year or so, stunning his fellow church members with his truly miraculous ability Read more […]

Post Record Keeper shut down, GC declares PowerPoint sole acceptable form of creative expression

Following the recent announcement that the General Conference was scrapping the much-anticipated release of the web series The Record Keeper, a set of guidelines for acceptable creative expression Read more […]