Signs Your Church Has an Apocalypse Obsession
1. The sermon illustrations use more beasts from Revelation than stories about Jesus. 2. Instead of a children’s story, the kids get a “little horn” craft. 3. You start seeing symbolic Read more […]
1. The sermon illustrations use more beasts from Revelation than stories about Jesus. 2. Instead of a children’s story, the kids get a “little horn” craft. 3. You start seeing symbolic Read more […]
Hopeville, SDA – In news that has sent shivers down the spines of even the most seasoned doomsayers, Hopeville’s beloved “Heavenly Pastries” bakery announced its doors will be closed this coming Read more […]
Pastor Bartholomew Thompson’s sermon on the impending apocalypse took a dramatic nosedive this Sabbath, thanks to an unexpected inquiry from the congregation. As Thompson weaved a tapestry of biblical Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference sent out an urgent announcement today reminding members of the need for “maximum modesty throughout the Time of Trouble.” In a press release Read more […]
Adventists around the globe are feeling a chill run down their spines after OpenAI CEO Sam Altman expressed his apprehensions during a recent Senate hearing about ChatGPT declaring Sunday Law. Altman Read more […]
BITTERROOT MOUNTAINS, Mont. — A band of Adventists that fled to the Bitterroots range of the Rockies with a giant haul of FriChik has, upon arrival, learned that they forgot to bring a can opener. Read more […]
Not many people outside of the denomination realize that Adventists come in all flavors and types. We’re rainbow sherbet, not just raspberry sorbet (and yes, maybe we were a little hungry as we wrote this.) But no matter where you fall on the spectrum, everybody is welcome! (Note: There are sure to be more types than the ones presented here. Feel free to suggest more in the comments section.)
COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — The Board of Commissioners for the City of Collegedale, Tenn. has passed a city-wide policy requiring all business and places of work to cease operations from Friday to Saturday Read more […]
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