Contractor Transforms Basements Into Time Of Trouble Bunkers

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Mole Hill, Tenn. — Stor Kallare, a licensed contractor with a specialty in “luxury, prophecy-savvy design” is currently over-booked transforming the basements of Adventists across the nation, into Time of Trouble bunkers.

The bunkers are designed to be undetectable from the main house, accessible only through a trap door made to look like a throw-away IKEA table stacked with spoiling tofu products.

Each bunker houses a complete hard copy collection of every Ellen White volume ever penned (shady compilations not included) as well as an endless supply of Sabbath-appropriate nature videos, carefully edited to omit any mention of natural selection or Big Bangs.

Bunker pantries are stocked with enough veggie meat to wait out the bad guys or die from a sodium overdose.

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