La Sierra Launches In-N-Out Secret Menu Major

RIVERSIDE, Calif. — Never unwilling to push the boundaries of Adventist higher education, La Sierra University announced In-N-Out Secret Menu Studies as the latest addition to their degree offerings. As Read more […]

Biden Forgives $1M in Unpaid Parking Tickets at Adventist Colleges

UNITED STATES — Adventist college students breathed a collective sigh of relief today as the Biden administration announced unpaid parking tickets incurred at any of the denomination’s college Read more […]

Defunded Campus Security Departments Auction Off Whistles

ADVENTIST WORLD — Freshly-defunded campus security departments at Adventist institutions worldwide are holding a joint whistle auction to inject new life into their budgets. The auction Read more […]

Elon Musk To Send Student Missionaries To International Space Station

LOS ANGELES, Calif. — Following the news SpaceX has safely brought NASA astronauts to the International Space Station and back, company CEO Elon Musk has announced he will be sending up student Read more […]

Shark Tank Rejects Adventist Boarding Academy Idea As “So Last Century”

  CULVER CITY, Calif. — The investors on business pitch show “Shark Tank” have roundly rejected a pitch for what a group of ordained Adventist pastors called “An Adventist Boarding Academy.” Billionaire Read more […]

Adventist colleges apologize for being located so far from anything cool

    ADVENTIST WORLD — Adventist colleges around the world have issued an apology to students and alumni for being located “so far from anything remotely cool.” The apology comes after Read more […]

“It Is Time AU” video triggers honest, heartfelt apology from every Adventist school for racism

UPDATE (and this is not satire): On Thursday, February 23, Andrews University responded to the “It Is Time AU” video with a formal apology and pledge in the form of a video of its own titled “It Read more […]

Schwarzenegger’s ‘New Celebrity Apprentice’ features contest to double La Sierra enrollment

LOS ANGELES, Calif. — As Arnold Schwarzenegger takes over as the Terminator-in-Chief of The New Celebrity Apprentice, one of the challenges he has planned is of particular interest to Adventists. Sources Read more […]