Biden Forgives $1M in Unpaid Parking Tickets at Adventist Colleges

UNITED STATES — Adventist college students breathed a collective sigh of relief today as the Biden administration announced unpaid parking tickets incurred at any of the denomination’s college campuses would be completely forgiven.

Speaking at a press conference at the White House this morning, Biden decried the “crippling financial burden Adventist parking tickets” proved to be on innocent students that incurred the wrath of over-zealous campus safety officers.

“Parking rules are getting way too stringent at some of these schools,” said Biden, shaking his head.

He added that he was also considering forgiving missed chapel fines and refunding the tuition of Communication graduates having to resort to blogging to pay the bills.


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