Defunded Campus Security Departments Auction Off Whistles

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ADVENTIST WORLD — Freshly-defunded campus security departments at Adventist institutions worldwide are holding a joint whistle auction to inject new life into their budgets.

The auction is one of several attempts to generate revenue creatively after income from student speeding fines has dried up.

“Nobody’s at school anymore and we haven’t been able to bust anyone for speeding, double parking or doing donuts on campus for months,” said spokesperson for the Association of Adventist Veggie Cops, Joe Blewitt.

“I already feel powerless without my whistle but we are facing unprecedented times,” said Blewitt. “What’s next? Will I have to auction off my souped-up golf cart?”


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  1. Marcy

    Nobody is at school any more? How are the young people going to get a christian education? Come on, let’s face it, there hasn’t been a christian education at the academy or university for many years. Shuttering of the schools is the best thing that could happen to Adventist education.

  2. Richard Mills

    I have seen SDA school security people with guns, other weapons. Will they also be defunded. What about their Starbucks break? That should be defunded. The overweight security needs defunding. Defund their paperwork so i don’t get a parking ticket at Andrews.

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